With All My Heart I Have Sought You

This morning, I'll be preaching the sixth sermon in our series on godly parenting. And the title of the sermon is, With All My Heart I Have Sought You. And this morning we're going to be studying the true motivation for obedience. Whether we're speaking with reference to our children, to the lost, or ourselves, we have to see that obedience isn't something that God forces or manipulates us into. Obedience is a choice. It's something that we choose to do. All throughout the Bible, we see God's people and those who aren't God's people making choices, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. So as we study our text this morning, I want us to begin by seeing that each of us has a will. We have desires and we act according to those desires. And if we want to have true and lasting obedience in our lives and the lives of our children, we have to begin with our desires, with our will.

So would you please stand for the reading of God's word from Psalm 119 verses 9 through 16. This is the word of the Lord and it is eternally true. How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to your word. With all my heart I have sought you. Do not let me wander from your commandments. Your word I have treasured in my heart that I may not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord, teach me your statutes. With my lips I have told of all the ordinances of your mouth. I have rejoiced in the way of your testimonies as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and regard your ways. I shall delight in your statutes. I shall not forget your word. This is the word of the Lord. You may be seated. So I want to begin by talking about the reality of us all having a will. And for some of you that's like,

duh, we have a will. And to others of you, you're like, I don't know quite what you mean by that. My hope is that by the end of the sermon, you will know what I mean by it, and that you'll understand in your own lives what your will is, and that you have one, and what its effect on your life is. So from the outset, to understand that you have a will, you have to have in your mind, you have to have space for something that's not concrete, and not necessarily real tangible. All of the time. Though sometimes our wills are very obvious, a lot of the time they're not. A lot of the time our will moves in the shadows because we wouldn't want people to see or we wouldn't want to come face to face with what we really want. And so our will spends a lot of time with acting under pressure. Pressure from us, pressure that we feel from other people and their expectations, pressure from God's word. And what I want you to know about your will is that it's like a piece of rubber.

And a piece of rubber is malleable. When you put pressure on something, on a piece of rubber, if I had a piece of rubber up here, I could take it and I could bend it and I could twist it and I could fold it and I could do all kinds of stuff. I could put force on it and it would conform. Until when? Well, until I remove the pressure. And then that piece of rubber is going to spring right back into its original state, its original form. And you ought to think about your will that way. You ought to think that my will is always being put under pressure. Some good pressures, some bad pressures. But what I want is for my will to not just spring back as soon as the pressure is gone. I want my will conformed to the will of God. When we start our understanding of our will, we have to see that by nature our wills are not conformed to the will of God. And that as we grow in godliness, that's what we want to see change.

We want to see our will become conformed to the will of God. We don't want to see increased pressures and increased conformity put onto our will. If our will is not willing, if we're not willing to be conformed, it will only be a matter of time until it springs back to its original state. And so our will is not something that's easily identifiable because you first have to identify the pressures that you feel. And we all feel different pressures. Some of us make a principle of not feeling any pressure. But if we're to grow in godliness and we're to grow in obedience, if this is what we want for our children, we have to understand our will. So what is our will? Your will is just a way of describing your desires and your wants. Each one of us has things that we pursue all of the time. There's not a person in this room Or in this world that's completely idle, that just sits there like a bump on a log, doing absolutely nothing. And you say, well, no, there are people who sit around and they don't do anything. And I say, that's because that's what they are willing to do. That's what they want. That's why that's what they do. Try to get them to do something different, and all of a sudden you'll find that they have a will about it. They have a principle about not getting up. The question is not whether they have a will. It's just a question of what they want, what they're pursuing, what they desire.

And so if we're to grow in obedience, we must grow in our knowledge of ourselves. We have to know ourselves intimately. Okay? And so I'm going to give you an example. You all heard the sound do the thing it did, right? Why'd that happen, Levi? Okay. So the problem is a regular problem. The problem is I don't speak loud enough with a microphone. Do you guys know that? David would have me speak like this all the time. But I feel like I'm yelling when I talk like this, so I talk like this instead. Until I get fired up about something, and then I talk a little louder. And so David tells me from time to time, speak up! Speak up! You read scripture just fine. But when you talk, you mumble and you don't talk, and it's hard. And so, do I have a will about it? Yeah, I do. I feel awkward yelling. And David tells me, you have to speak up. And so you know what I thought when the sound?

tweaked out, I thought, David told them to do that. That's what I thought. Now, you didn't tell them to do it, did you? You did tell them to do it. You said, turn Dave up. Turn Dave up. And Levi thought, well, I'll turn Dave up. Now, this is a regular problem, okay? And I'm sorry. I have been disciplined about how to talk into a microphone, and yet I have a will about, you know, I'm already so big and intimidating. that for me to speak up, it's just overwhelming. I feel like it's overwhelming to you, so I don't want to speak up. But is it helpful if I don't speak up to you? No, it's not helpful. It makes Levi's job and James' job harder. And so even in that, I have a will. And what I wanted to know when that thing popped was, is that the pressure on the will? Like, there's the piece of rubber, and is he putting pressure on it to say, Dave, do something else.

And I don't know if any of you noticed it, but as soon as he did it, you all went, oh. And then I spoke louder. Because Dave told me, if you speak louder, we can avoid feedback and we can avoid popping and we can avoid all these problems that you create, Dave, because of the way you talk. So I started speaking up. Pressure on my will. I was just feeling it. What else can you learn about this? So far I've described this very, just scratching the surface. Well, I want to be helpful and I want you to hear and I want all these things to be good. But there's a reason I don't speak up. Right? There's a reason. And unless I deal with the reason I don't speak up, I'm not going to grow in this area. You understand? And so if I'm going to grow and become a better speaker, I have to grow in my knowledge of myself. I have to be thinking before I come up here about how to speak.

And what I want and what I'm aiming at. Because I'm going to hit the thing I'm aiming at. So if I don't aim at a target, I won't hit it. So I have to think, speak up. Speak out. I have to grow in my knowledge of myself. You have to know why you do the things you do. The hardest questions, when someone asks you them, they're the hardest questions to answer. You do something. Why did you do that? I don't know. That's not an acceptable answer. It's not acceptable for you to go through life not knowing why you do what you do. Because what you're saying is, I don't know myself. And if you don't know yourself, you won't be able to fight against your temptations to sin. All of a sudden, sin will just pop up in your face and you'll go, oh, oh, I fell into sin. I don't know how that happened. And Christians ought not be ignorant like that. We ought to know ourselves. And if you're going to know yourself, you have to know what you want. What are you pursuing all of the time?

All of the time, you're driving towards something. What is it? You have to know what it is. You have to know how you get what you want. And it'll be different from other people. And that's okay. That's the creativity of God, that we're not all robots and exactly the same. We all have different desires and different lusts and different gifts and different strengths and different weaknesses. And so we pursue different things. And you look at other people and you think, why would they want that? Why would they do that? I don't understand that. How could they value that? And I say, they look at you the same way. And they can't figure out why in the world do you spend your time and energy and effort and love and money pursuing that? We're different. And yet each of us has a will. And we have to know what our wills are. We have to be growing in our knowledge of ourselves. Why we do what we do.

Is it possible to bend rubber? You can put pressure on it. Is it possible to keep it bent once you take the pressure away? If you heat it up, that's right. You heat it up. If you don't believe me, just go home and get one of your wife's spatulas and get some boiling water and stick the thing in the hot water and just leave it there. And when you pull it out of there, it'll have been changed. And it won't straighten back out. And your wife won't be happy about it. And so yes, rubber can be changed. It can be changed, but it has to be worked on in such a way that when the pressure is removed, it's actually different now. And so how do you change rubber? Well, you apply heat. That's how you change rubber. You make rubber cold and it doesn't work. So you have to know something about rubber. John knows something about rubber. Some of you probably didn't know that that would work.

And the same is true of you. There are pressures that will be applied to your will that are helpful for a time, perhaps, but something has to change on a molecular level, on the inside, because those pressures will not always exist. This is one of the first steps in fighting against sin, is knowing what you want and learning all of the ways you pursue it. Consider our text this morning. Text this morning. What is the psalmist's desire? What is his will? What did he want? What's the goal? What's he after? What do you think? What's it say? That's right. He asks a question. How does a young man keep his way pure? And then he gives an answer. Keeping it according to your word. Question, answer. Question indicates a desire. I want to be pure. How do I be pure?

By keeping it according to your word. So, what's the rest of this stanza about? That's a statement of what he wants. He wants purity. And he says, this is how I get purity. I keep it according to your word. What is the rest of this section of scripture indicating? What it's indicating is his desire. If I asked you, If the text wasn't right up in front of you and we were just having a conversation and I said, finish this verse. How can a young man keep his way pure? How many of you would know that the rest of the verse is by keeping it according to your word? Okay. Now, how many of you know the next verse? Nobody knows the next verse.

So in verse 9, you have a question. How can you be pure? By keeping it according to your word. Here's a piece of rubber. How do you bend it in half? Well, by pushing it up here. By keeping it according to your word. There's the pressure. And you know the pressure. You felt the pressure. What happens when the pressure's gone, though? It springs back. Because the will has never been touched. And so the rest of this... Section is the psalmist. It's King David telling us what he wants. Fleshing it out. It's romantic. The language. It's personal. It's feelings. With all my heart I have sought you. This is what you should write in a love letter to your spouse. Your word I have treasured in my heart. I have rejoiced. I will meditate. I shall delight. I shall not forget. All of these things.

Have their object. So that I will not sin. So that I'll regard your ways. So that I'll be obedient to you. But you see in this passage that the psalmist doesn't just go, how do I keep my way pure? Oh, by doing what you say. Okay, I got it. No, the psalmist spends the rest of this section saying, that's what I want. I want it. I desire it. I hunger for it. I know I'm supposed to do it. The answer is easy. How do you keep your way pure? By keeping it according to your word. Got it. Now, what about your will? This is the verse. If a man's ever struggling with purity, this is one of the verses we pull up. If you want to keep your way pure, you have to keep it according to his word. And I say that if that's all we give men, if that's the extent to which you understand becoming more pure, you won't make any progress.

Because that by itself doesn't touch your will. It doesn't touch what you want. So, do you want to be pure? I can tell you how to get somewhere all the while knowing you don't want to go there. And if you don't want to go there, is me telling you turn by turn how to get there of any benefit? No. Because you don't have a will to go there. And so the rest of this psalm is the psalmist saying, I have a will to go there. I want that. And if you want obedience in any area of your life, you have to want obedience. Simply knowing that you should obey is insufficient. It will not produce long-term lasting obedience. It will not produce cheerfulness or joy. The psalmist desires to obey God. It's undeniable from this text. This is his will. And so the question is never, do you have a will? Any of you. The question is, what is your will? What do you want?

What are you pursuing? And you say, well, I don't know that I want to talk about what I'm pursuing because sometimes it's not so attractive. Sometimes I want things I shouldn't want. And I say, that's right. That's right. Sometimes you want things you shouldn't want. And until you admit, I want things I shouldn't want, you'll never be able to fight against those desires. And you can apply all the safeguards and all the pressures and all of the external stuff on yourself. But until your will is changed, It's all for naught. So the question, remember I said it's not tangible. Your will is not tangible. The question is, what do you want? And every one of you should be able to answer it. Even if it's not a pleasant answer, you should be able to answer it. You know what the ordering principle of my life is? Here it is. Do you want to cheerfully obey God? So yes or no. Do you want to cheerfully obey God? This is a different question than saying, should you obey God? It's different than asking,

Will you obey God? You think of your children and you ask them, should you do what I say? What will your children say? Yes. You ask them again, will you do what I say? Yes. But do you ask them, do you want to do what I say? No, you don't want to ask that question because you know that they're not going to be so willing to say yes. And then you say, why don't you want to do what I say? Well, because I'd rather jump on the trampoline. Because I'd rather play Legos. Amos, be quiet. Why are you going to do what I say? What do kids say when you ask them? Well, are you going to do what I say? Yes. Why are you going to do it? What do little kids say? So I don't get a spanking. That's what they say. Kids are so helpful because they help us understand ourselves. They're just honest. They're not afraid of answering the question because they don't know how awful it is to say, I just don't want a spanking.

Adults, we're not that simple. We're never that straightforward. I'm doing what you told me to do because I absolutely can't fathom the idea of having conflict with you. I really don't like you, and I really don't appreciate what you're telling me to do. But it's easier for me to just do what you say and not have an argument, so I'll just do it. That's the adult version of, I don't want a spanking. And each one of us has to answer this question in terms of your desire. What do you want? And let me tell you, if you think you always want good things, you're deceived and you do not know yourself. You are wrong if you think that all you want are good things. We have temptations and struggles. Romans 7 tells us that there's a war being waged inside of us between the Spirit of God and our flesh. And our desires are all wrapped up in that war.

We want good things, but we don't do good things. And we testify when we do bad things that they're bad because we don't want them. And yet we do them. And you think, that's too deep for me to understand. If you want to know what I'm talking about, Romans 7, 14 through 25, read it. And you will think Paul has gone nuts. Because it's like there's these two little voices arguing on either side of his shoulder, telling him, yes, you do it. No, you don't. Yes, you should. No, I can't. And you'll just think, I don't understand this. And what I say is, if you don't understand what Paul's talking about there, then you don't know yourself and you don't understand your will. Because that's what goes on inside of us. We're constantly conflicted, doing things that we shouldn't do, wanting things that we shouldn't want, wanting good things and then running and going and doing the other thing and going, why? Why is that? Our wills are so important for us to understand.

You have things that you desire. And I'll tell you, the things that you're willing to sacrifice to get what you want are awful. But we never talk about it that way. You know, you think, what do I want? Oh, I want to be the best at this. I want to be the best business owner. I want to be the best frisbee golfer. I want to be the best, what is it? The best student. What is it? What do you sacrifice? If you're a student, what are you sacrificing to be good at ultimate? You think, well, I don't sacrifice anything. And I say, you never sacrifice anything because you had a tournament you had to prepare for. Ever. You've never sacrificed academically because there was a movie night that you had to get to. You never got a D because you just had to go and see that new movie the night it came out. Never, ever. Ever, ever, ever. The list could go on and on for some of you.

For each of us. Because we all have different things. Some of you are going, ultimate Frisbee? I don't understand it. How could you not do your schoolwork? You've got to do your schoolwork. I mean, what kind of person doesn't do their schoolwork? And I say, there's lots of people who don't do their schoolwork. Because they don't subscribe to the idolatry that you do. They don't care to be the best academically. They care to be cool. And they despise you because you're not cool. And you despise them because they're not smart. We all want different things. And we live in the constant tension. between our desires that are wicked and God's law that is good and pure and right. And we go, which do I want? Which do I want? If I say, what should you do? You go, well, that's easy. I should do this. Which are you going to try to do? I'm going to try to do this. And I say, yeah, but do you want to do it? Is that what you want to do? Yeah, I want to because I'll lose my job if I don't. I want to because my wife will get angry if I don't. I want to because...

And I say, well, what happens when those circumstances are gone? That's the pressure on the piece of rubber. What happens when that gets removed? You know, I've been having conversations about marijuana lately. And you guys know that marijuana is going to, I would guess in the next five to ten years or so, it's going to be legal. Recreational use of marijuana will be legal. It's happening in different states. It'll be legal in Indiana, eventually. It's what I expect to happen, right? So, should you smoke pot? No, you shouldn't. Okay, why not? Why shouldn't you smoke pot? Because it's illegal. Okay, there's the pressure. You see it? What if you want to smoke pot? Well, you're not supposed to because it's illegal. Okay, what happens when that pressure is removed? Then what? Then what? Is it okay to smoke pot now? All of a sudden you're like, well, I don't know, Pastor. And I say, do you want to? Do you want it? Because if you want it, here's the secret I'll tell you.

Those of you who want to sin and who are older don't respond to the pressure. You just say, pressure. I'm not 21. I can't drink yet. I don't care. That's stupid law. Marijuana is illegal. Well, it shouldn't be. Whatever. I'm going to do what I want. You just shirk the pressure. And I say, okay, listen. I remove the pressure. I remove it. If I could. What are you going to do when it's not illegal to smoke pot? Do you finally go, I'm glad those lawmakers finally figured out that we should be allowed to, because we have liberty, you know. What are you going to do? Is it wise then? Is it okay then? Is it without consequence simply because you won't get arrested for it? Is that how superficially we think about our will? I could go, I mean, we could stay here until dinner time talking about the different examples going through the struggles and the temptations that different of us face.

Some of you think, I don't even understand why you do that. It's awful. And others of you are going, listening. What do you want? What are you going to do when the pressure is removed? That's really the question. What is your will? Because you can push the pressure off, you can ignore the pressure. As you grow up, the pressures are just sort of naturally removed in your life. So I ask you, do you want to cheerfully obey God? And you're like, well, Yes, I want to cheerfully obey God. And I say, but do you want to? Do you mean you want to do it or do you mean you want to want to do it? Like, did you translate my question, do you want to cheerfully obey God, into should I want to cheerfully obey God? Because that's not what I asked. What I asked was, if there was no pressure on you, no consequences that you felt, then what would you do? What would you do in that situation?

Do you want to cheerfully obey God in that situation? Or do you live your life counting, is it worth the risk? Doing a cost-benefit analysis, pros and cons. Well, if I do this, then that might happen, but that's really unlikely, and so I think it's worth the risk. And I say, well, what if there's no risk? Then what do you want? Do you want to obey God? Do you want to cheerfully obey Him? That's a question for your will. And it's a very simple yes or no. It's a very short answer, but it's a very weighty answer. Now let me ask you this, those of you who are parents. Do you want your children to cheerfully obey God? All of a sudden, the pressure is gone. Well, yes. Yes, I do. I want my children to cheerfully obey God. Thank you. We're talking about, this is a sermon about godly parenting. I'm glad you finally got to the children.

Isn't it nice? We want them to obey God. We want them to cheerfully obey God. We want their heart. We want everything this psalmist said, we want to be true of them. With all of their heart, they sought God. They've treasured God's word up in their heart. They've rejoiced in the ways of his testimonies. They meditate on his precepts. They delight in his statutes and they don't forget his word. Yes, we want that for our children. Absolutely. No doubt. And we wouldn't be satisfied with less. But the difficulty is your children are just like you. They have a will. How long does it take to realize your children have a will? A couple weeks? A couple months after they're born? You start to realize they want things. They need things. They're uncomfortable when they don't have them. From a child's infancy, you should realize that child has a will. And that as they get older, their will is being shaped and molded and informed. But from a couple of months old, you can see children's will.

What's it look like when a kid doesn't want to eat what you're giving them? Right? Put it in their mouth. That's why they wear bibs. Because they have a will. Their will is not to eat what you're giving them. They don't like smashed peas. Your children have wills. So what do you do? Here's the thing. What do you do with your child's will? Sadly, a lot of us don't want to recognize that our children have wills. They're little. They're weak. And we can just make them conform. And just make them do what we want. You're going to do what I want. And I say, you realize what you're doing is you're taking that piece of rubber and you're just putting parental pressure on it. And I say, how long are you going to be able to do that, Mom? How long are you going to be able to keep that up, Dad? What are you going to do when they're looking you eye to eye and you're not looking down like this? How long are you going to be able to put that pressure on them and keep them under your thumb? Too often we address our children's behavior and we leave their hearts untouched. We don't ever engage their will, their desire.

We only engage their behavior. You think, well, Pastor, what do you do with a three-month-old? How do you deal with a three-month-old's will? It's a good question, isn't it? Some of you probably like an answer to it. Well, I'll tell you how you begin to address a three-month-old's will. You make eye contact with them. And that doesn't mean grabbing their face like this and forcing them to look in your eyes. That's not engaging his will. That's engaging his behavior. You teach them to trust you by the way you look at them and getting them to look back at you. And you do that all the time. You don't just do that when they're doing this thing. All the while you're engaging their will. You're showing them when you look at them and there's compassion and tenderness and love in your eyes and safety. You're teaching them that they can trust you. And you can teach little babies that. You ever see kids do something wrong and they look? They look to see if you saw or if it's okay? Do you see kids do this? They do something and they go...

They're looking to see what are you telling them by how you look at them. Do you have a rapport of eye contact with your child? What happens when the three-year-old goes out and he wipes out on his bike and he's got one of those road burns on his hip like every kid gets? And his elbow is all bloodied up. And he's in pain. And he's screaming and crying and blood. It's just a mess. And he has a will. And what does he want you to do with it? There's rocks and all kinds of stuff in the cut. What's his will? Don't touch it. Don't you touch it. Right? They don't want you to touch it. Do they trust you to touch it? What about when they're in the bath and they're afraid of water? And washing their hair is like, it's like trying to give a cat a bath. Screaming and fighting and clawing and they just hate it. Little kids get like this. What do you do? You stop. I'm just going to shove your head under the water and you're just going to learn to like it.

This is not helpful. This is not dealing with your child's will. You have to know your children. Why is your child afraid to let you touch his owie? Why are they afraid to put their head under the water? And if you just go, well, they shouldn't be. I say, you're going to fail as a parent. Because you do all kinds of things you shouldn't do. And God doesn't deal with you by simply saying, well, don't do that. God's tender and compassionate with us, and we ought to be the same with our children. And so when you have a child that's afraid of having you wash their hair, you have to do work as a parent. You have to figure out how are you going to get them to where they're not afraid of getting their hair washed. You can force them to wash their hair. There are two, right? You can just hold them down there and get their hair washed. And you can get the shampoo that doesn't burn their eyes. And you can get the task done. But what about their will?

Wouldn't you prefer that when you said, it's time to go take a shower, honey, or a bath, that they didn't start shaking and crying? Some kids don't do that about baths. Some kids do it about thunder. Some kids do it about eating peas. Some kids do it about sharing toys with their siblings. What are you going to do with their will? Can they trust you? Can they get close to you? Are they afraid that you're just going to hold their head under the water until they get over it? Because we've got to get your hair washed after all. So how do you reach a young child's heart? You communicate to them in every way you can that you love them and that you care about them and that you understand their weakness. And with little kids, you don't talk to them about it because they don't understand it. You communicate it by how you treat them. Do you look in their eyes? Do you tussle their hair? Do you bring them over and teach them to be affectionate with you by sitting on your lap? Do you comfort them when they cry? Do you comfort your sons when they cry? No, because boys don't cry. And I say, yeah, they do. I've got six of them. They cry.

Can they come to you when they cry or can't they? What do you do when your young child is screaming? Throw in a fit. It's 2 a.m. You're tired. You've got to go to work in the morning. You've got other kids to take care of. In a couple of hours, they're going to get up and they weren't up in the middle of the night like you were. We make sacrifices all the time with our kids because we have a will and they're inconveniencing it. My will is to be asleep at 2 o'clock in the morning. You are standing in between me and what I want.

And so to accomplish your will, you squash theirs. That'll only work for so long. And in the process, you'll be teaching them to do the same thing. If you don't deal with their will and their heart and their weakness and their frailty, you know what? They aren't going to deal with their siblings' weakness and frailty and their heart. They're going to say things like, well, I wanted it. And you're going to say, yeah, I know you wanted it, but you can't have it. He's your little brother. Is it true? Yeah, that's true. You have to teach your kids to not steal things from one another simply because they want it. But here we are back talking about what they should do and not what they want to do. So what do you say to a kid in that situation? What you say is something to the effect of, what's more important, honey? I understand that you want that toy, but what's more important? Look at your brother. He's got a busted lip now because of what you did. What's more important? The toy or your brother? Brother.

Do you love him? Yes. Were you loving to him when you took that from him? No. Does daddy do that to you when we wrestle? Do you get busted lips when you wrestle with dad? No. Do you think that's a coincidence? Do you think that I don't work hard to make sure you don't get hurt, little person? No, I work really hard to make sure you don't get hurt. And you wouldn't appreciate it at all if I treated you the way you just treated your brother, do you? No. You see that I'm tender with you and with your weakness. And I want you to do the same thing with your brother. And then the kid will sit there and they'll just be silent. Because you haven't actually told them what they should do now. Now they just realize there's a problem. And that you're not just yelling at them because, you know, their brother's got a busted lip. And you go to them and you say, listen.

Listen, we all screw stuff up and we all do things we shouldn't do. Not that we didn't mean to do. Because he meant to do it. We all do things that we shouldn't do. And we need to realize that that doesn't honor Jesus. And what you need to do now, what I want you to do, is I want you to go to your brother and I want you to apologize to him. And I want you to hug him and tell him you're sorry. And you say, but that's all just... So we just teach him to say sorry and then you see little kids and, you know, whap! Oh, sorry!

And then they just go on, and there's no actual compassion and stopping and going, I actually hurt my brother. I need to stop now. They learn that stuff from us, parents. They learn that from you, from me. How do you handle stuff? Do you just fly on by when you, oh, well, sorry, and you move on? That's what they learn to do the same thing. And the reason is because you have a will, you have something you desire, and you're going for it, and that whoops, Oh, I didn't mean to crash into you with my bike. They learn from us. They learn from us that my will is important. My will has to be done. Other people, when they get in my way or they present a conflict, they just have to be done away with. They have to be gotten out of the way so I can get what I want. You can teach a three-month-old that. Then they scream all the time.

You say, well, they scream because they've got gas, and they scream because they've got reflux, and they scream because they're hungry, and they scream. And I say, yeah, babies scream. They do. If you have babies, you know that. Every baby screams. How are you going to teach them not to scream? You stop screaming. It might work for a time. Our Karis, when she was a little younger, would scream for things at the table. I told you guys about it a couple of weeks ago. She just screamed for food. Just high-pitched, just scream. And she wasn't being nasty about it. But it was just, it stopped life for me when she screamed. And Vanessa and I talked, and we said, we've got to teach her not to scream. And it took, how long, Vanessa? Three or four days, for the most part of it? Three or four days to teach her not to scream. And now we can just look at her and say, honey, don't scream. And she, ah!

Honey, don't scream. And then she doesn't. And it's not because we beat it out of her. We didn't. What we did primarily with her was we know her, and she's little, right? But we know that she's kind of fearful. She gets afraid of things. Lots of boys in her face. Lots of noise. Lots of stuff going on. She can get fearful. And so what does she need to learn? We want to teach her at this young age not to be fearful. That her will can't be ruled by her fear. So what do we do? Tell her, don't be fearful. Stop it. You don't have anything to be afraid of. No, we teach her that she can trust us. And so primarily the way we taught her to stop screaming was by comforting her, not by disciplining her. Though she did get flicked a couple of times gently on the lips. But our tone was very sweet with her. She's screaming. Blood-curdling screams. You stop screaming, honey. Stop. Just that hard. I mean, just enough to say you're doing something with this part of your body that we don't want you doing. Three or four days.

And now she doesn't scream. Her will has been helped. Because we don't have to constantly be doing the thing. We don't have to constantly be putting the pressure. Because now when she screams, she does that kind of like, that she's getting worked up. But when she meets one of our eyes and she sees us and we look at her and console her just through looking at her, she calms down. That's just one little example of her will being affected. Because we're not having to get in and... You stop! And putting her hands over her mouth and all of this stuff. We just look at her and tell her, it's okay, honey. You're all right. She still screams occasionally, but not in anything like she did a few weeks ago. And her will's actually been changed. She doesn't feel the need to scream like she used to. Before, she used to just scream for food. If she was at the table, she just wanted to be a part of it, do what everyone else was doing, right? So we taught her not to. But we dealt with her heart, because she's fearful. And so we taught her she didn't need to be fearful. We taught her she could trust us.

That's how you deal with young children. What do you do with older children? Older children are harder. What's an older child? Well, you tell me. For some of you with young families, an older child is a 4-year-old. For some of you, it's a 20-year-old. What do you do with older children? Well, first, it begins when they're young. This isn't the sort of thing you wait to do until you're seeing the problems. I'm telling you, you can see in... Two-month-olds, that they have a will. And you can be teaching them about their will then, not with words, but with actions. You can be teaching and addressing their will. What about with older children? Well, you stick to your guns. You stick to what you were doing. You realize that being a parent is not a five- to seven-year job, and that when you have a seven-year-old, you're done raising them. Because you're not. And you go, but they're not doing, I've been doing this for seven years, and they're not fixed yet.

And I say, that's right, they're not. Why are you expecting that they would be? Why do you expect that your children would be done needing you to be their parent when they're 7, or when they're 14, or when they're 18? Your job as a parent changes depending on their age, but they don't ever stop needing you to be their parent. You don't ever get out of that responsibility. And so dealing with an older child requires perseverance and faith. You can't believe that your efforts are in vain. They're not. The parents have more influence on their children than anyone else in the world. And so that's a big responsibility and it's a big privilege. I said at some point recently, I said, you know what, if we could sum up in just a word, what is godly parenting? It's simply trying. Just try. Stop making excuses for your kids' behavior. Stop making excuses for your behavior. And just try. And when it doesn't work, keep trying.

Keep making effort with your children. But you'll only do that if you want to. You all know you should. The question is, do you want to? You have a will to do it. You can't sit by and grumble about your children not wanting to talk to you or be affectionate with you. You can't do it. If you want your children to talk to you, if you want them to be affectionate with you, you have to tell them that that's what you want from them. Over and over and over again. And you have to show them that it's a good thing. And that you expect it. And that it's safe for them to do. You remember, the previous sermon series was about making disciples. And the thing that was key in making disciples, what was the most important thing you should be aiming for with people? What's sort of the context of people being made disciples? To love them. And so by loving them, you have to have a relationship with them.

Right? You have to have a relationship with the lost people. If you just show up to your unbelieving co-worker, he lives with his girlfriend, and you just go, you shouldn't live with your girlfriend because it's sin. Are you right? Yes. Are you loving? Maybe. Maybe not. If that's all you said, then no. Do you love them? Do you have a relationship with them? Do you care for them? Or are they just something that's supposed to help you meet your quota? I told them the gospel and they weren't responsive. And I say, okay, so do you love them? Do you care about them? Do you want to have a relationship with them or do you just want something from them? Oh, you're not going to come to church right now? Okay, well, I'm moving on. Now we don't say that because it's obvious that that's not okay if we say it, but we do it. The exact same thing is true of your children.

Your children know whether you actually have a will for them to obey you. They know whether you expect them to, or whether you're just paying lip service because your wife told you to, or whether you're saying that they should listen to daddy because that's what you're supposed to say, but by your behavior, you don't respect your husband. Kids key in on that stuff way more than they key in on what you say. You tell them to do something, but they watch you not do it. They're going to learn. They're going to learn it's not in Daddy's will to do that. Not mine either. And so in the same way that we're supposed to relate to the lost and love them and care for them, the exact same thing applies in our home. Your children aren't little projects. And yet you're supposed to turn a profit with them. You're supposed to improve them with God's help. You have to if you're to be faithful. And yet they're not little projects that you're supposed to just churn out. They have souls.

They're made in the image of God, and you have to know them and love them intimately. And you have to realize that they see the world. You represent the world to them, little kids. Even getting into high school, they think the home they grew up in is just normal. It's just how everyone grows up. So whatever your home is like, just know your kids think that's how everyone lives. Now you as an adult know something, right? you know that your house isn't just cookie cutter stamped out how everyone lives. So to close, the question is, how do you raise children who want to obey God's law? Who spend their whole life serving God? Because that's what parents want. If we're godly, that's what we want in our children. We want them to spend their life, as long as the Lord gives them, serving God. That's what we want. That's the goal. That's what we're aiming at. So how do you do it? First, You have to teach them God's law. You actually have to teach them what they should do. And you should teach them before they screw it up. You should teach them about lying before they start lying. And stealing before they start stealing. We should be in front of the curve teaching them these things. This is the first thing you have to do. You have to tell them what the standard is. The second thing is, you have to realize that's not in and of itself sufficient.

Simply knowing the standard is completely ineffective. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. And so if you just tell them what they're supposed to do, and then you just put pressure on them to do it, but you've never dealt with their desires to do it, you haven't done them any long-term good. If our children are to live a life of obedience to the Lord, it has to be the desire of their hearts. They have to come to love God and His law. Because they're going to find that as they grow up, and you will too as parents, and it'll be scary to you, you're going to find that the constraints that you put on them don't exist for their whole life. They're going to grow up and do things without you being there to watch them. And what are they going to do when you're not there to put the pressure on them? Will you have imparted wisdom to them? So you have to keep a close watch. You have to teach them God's law. Then you have to keep a close watch on their will. Do they want to do what they're being told to do? Just as an aside,

you should expect your children to do what you tell them to do. You should actually expect them to obey. Not in a heavy-handed sort of, you're going to do what I say or else sort of way, but you should expect as a parent endowed with the authority from God, you should expect them to honor you and to do what you say. You shouldn't manipulate them to do it. You should expect them to do it. Lovingly expect them to do what you say. As you expect them to obey, You have to also be teaching them why it's important that they come to want to obey. This is the transition as kids go from being little to being older. It's not simply, do this. It moves into, while you're doing that, here's why we do that. Here's what happens when people don't do that. You can point around you in the world, in your family, and all over the place and say, what happened with him was he didn't learn the lesson I'm trying to teach you. I don't want you to end up like that. I want these other good things for you.

And so this is why we do this, because his life doesn't honor Jesus Christ, but yours can. You don't have to end up like that. I don't want you to end up like that. It's not God's desire for you to end up like that. We don't want him to stay like that. Don't you follow in his footsteps. You have to expose Satan's lies that they're believing right then. When the kid steals the toy from his brother, you say to him, what's more important to you right now, the toy or your brother? They say, my brother. But that's not what they believe because they punched him and took it. And you have to show them that's not what you just did. You just did the opposite. You just said that toy was so much more important. We want to see that they're growing to love God's law the way the psalmist did. Or if they're just trying to keep themselves out of trouble by flying under the radar. If you find that your children are just doing what they're told, you have work to do. You have to teach them why God's law is right and good. You have to warn them against the consequences of sin. And you have to convince them that you care.

about what they do, and that they know Jesus Christ and trust him with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength. This is your work as parents. And this is more important than anything else you do, is teaching them that. To look to Jesus Christ for their life, for their strength, for their hope. Finally, and most importantly, you have to actively demonstrate what you want them to know and think and be and do. You have to demonstrate it. You can't just tell them to do it. You're a hypocrite if you just tell them to do things you're not willing to do yourself. You have to demonstrate it for them.

The reality is your children will stand on your shoulders. They'll take the things you've done and they'll do them more. The question is, what are they going to do more of? Don't set the bar low for them. Make sure that you're not setting the bars too low because of your own lack of love for God's law. It's hard for us as parents to realize that. It's painful to think about the weight of being a mother and a father. It's just overwhelming. What do you do about it? You make sure your children know that you're not entirely content with where you're at spiritually. Won't they lose respect for me if they know that I'm not what I should be? I say no. For one, they already know that. That's what Daniel just said. They already know you're not perfect. And two, they'll find a brother in arms that they can talk to, that they can fight with, against sin. Not with each other, but against sin. So you have to tell them. You can't assume that they'll figure it out. They won't.

Not in time. A wise man will take heed to this. He'll see the deficiencies in his own will. And he'll work to change them. And in doing that, he'll work with his children as well. And when I say a wise man, I don't exclude women. I don't exclude the mothers. Mothers have a lot of influence on their children. And so you're not off the hook. We want our hearts and our lives to be in line with what the psalmist says. With all of my heart, I have sought you. Do not let me wander from your commandments. That's what we want for our lives. That's what we want for our children's lives. We want to see God glorified in us and through us in what we do. We want to demonstrate that for our kids. We want to teach them about why we do what we do, not just what to do. And we have to trust God to bless it and to fill in the failures that we have as parents. Because we're not perfect. And the sooner we communicate that to our children, that we know we're not perfect and that our will needs to be changed too,

We'll begin to do them good. Father, we thank you for giving us your word. We thank you for this psalm and for David's love for your law and for his desire to fulfill it. Father, we thank you that he's not a perfect man and that we can see ourselves in him, both in the good and the bad. Father, we desire to be more and more like King David, having our will conformed to your will. Father, we acknowledge that it's a very difficult struggle. And we ask, Father, that you be merciful to us as you were to Jonah, as you were to Peter, as you were to so many of your saints. Father, have mercy on us and have mercy on our children and help us to seek to do your will from a cheerful heart, from a glad and willing heart. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.