Walk in Love, Just as Christ Also Loved You

in our Redeemer. And it's in Jesus' holy precious name we pray. Amen. Well, good morning. This morning we'll be in Ephesians chapter 4, and we'll be looking at verses 31 and 32, and chapter 5, verses 1 and 2. This passage is about forgiveness and love. It's about fighting our flesh, forgiving and loving one another, and putting aside our anger, our bitterness, and the things that keep us from having unity in our homes, marriages, and our churches. My hope for us this morning is that we would imitate God and love one another just as He has loved us. If we let bitterness and anger have place and take root in our hearts, we won't be able to do what God calls us to in this passage. Please stand for the reading of God's Word.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children, and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. A fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. This is the word of the Lord. You may be seated. So look at verse 31. Don't these words all kind of mean the same thing? A little bit. But they get at the various ways that our anger is manifested. They're all related. And often we express more than one of these.

of these dispositions at a time if you have one rest assured you probably have the others or that they are close to follow but what do these words mean let's start with bitterness bitter is the opposite of sweet or pleasant bitterness is anger and frustration that we harbor it's stored inside of us and it festers and it grows It's infectious like a weed, like thistle, if you've ever tried to pull thistle. The author of Hebrews says, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. Bitterness is a root that produces fruit, a very visible fruit. So it's funny because even though bitterness is this thing that you kind of harbor and you think you can hide, It's actually very easy to see. After years of unchecked bitterness, it can become visible in the lines on a person's face. You can hear it in the sound of their voice and the way they talk. You can feel it in their attitude towards life and towards others. Bitterness reviews and replays circumstances, ways we were sinned against, or the thing that happened that made us angry.

and it mulls over the details repeatedly. Have you experienced that in your life? Someone said or did something to you that hurt or upset you, and afterward, every time you thought about it, the feelings of anger came back. All of that, that's bitterness. Let's look at wrath. What's wrath? It's like anger, but it's punitive. It wants to see the person that hurt us be punished for what they did. Or really, it wants them to suffer. God's wrath is just because he is a just God. But our wrath is not justice. Our wrath tends towards evil because we never just want tooth for tooth or eye for eye, as the Old Testament required. Instead, our wrath would take a limb or even life as payment for losing an eye.

We show our wrath when we retaliate against someone. And then we respond and say, it was only fair. He did this, so he deserved that. Just watch your toddlers play together for 30 minutes. You'll see it in action. One pushes, they push through the other to try to grab a toy that the other's going for or playing with. The one who's getting shoved has a perfectly measured response, right? No. Usually that kid escalates the conflict by hitting or biting. And what happens if you ask that child, well, why did you do that? What's his response? He took my toy. He was pushing me. He took my toy. Like toddlers, we often mask our wrath as justice. But it's not just justice that we're after. It's actually vengeance. Next in Paul's list is anger, which probably refers to bursts of anger.

that we can see it's not easily covered up like bitterness or or wrath or malice or slander it's over the top it's seen it's known then we get to clamor well what's clamor clamor's noisy loud fighting it's vocally contentious it protests it says i don't like how you did that or that you did that so i'm gonna pitch a fit and make my displeasure known then we have slander When we use our words to tear people down to other people, we speak poorly of our neighbor to someone else. Someone sins against us, and we openly share the ways they did so with others, with others who have no business knowing. And finally, we get to malice, which is wishing ill on others or doing things intentionally to cause someone harm. Malice kind of wraps up the words that come before it. Malice is the evil behind them.

Can you relate? Have you felt these ways before? All of these characteristics have some things in common. One is that they're usually responses to being sinned against or a response to some kind of offense. And when we act in these ways, we feel justified. Part of what we're doing is punishing those who offended us, or at least we're trying to. We think what we're doing is a just response to how we've been sinned against. We think our anger and our wrath and our malice and our clamor and our bitterness, we think it's all justified. But then here comes Paul with a sledgehammer, okay? Paul says, let all this stuff, all these emotions, all these actions, all these sinful responses, all your anger, all your bitterness, all your wrath, let it all be put away from you. Literally get rid of it. All of it. What does he mean? Put it away? Is it that easy?

It's easy to say, but it's really hard to do. But this is what God calls us to do here. Put all these things away. Cast all your bitterness, anger, clamor, etc. Cast it all away. Let it go. Trash it. Burn it. Kill it. Do whatever you want with it, but you can't keep it. Put it away. And you might say, well, you can't be serious. Just put it away. But Timothy, or rather, but Paul, you don't understand. I have a right to be bitter. You don't know how terrible their sin against me was. I have every right to be unhappy. If you knew what they did to me, you wouldn't say to put my bitterness or wrath away. And if Paul were here, is that me? Do I keep doing that? I was noticing it while I was praying. Okay. Oh, that's probably my fault. Most things are. That's right, Michael. Where was I?

Right, right. Thank you, John. You don't understand, Paul. If you knew what they did to me, you wouldn't just say to put it away. But if Paul was here, he might remind you of the marks he bore in his flesh for the sake of the gospel. You might think that's a strange thing. He was stoned and yet didn't harbor bitterness or malice against those who did it to him. Because the ones who did it to him were his own brothers, fellow brothers, fellow Jews. They were the ones that stoned him. And he still said of his own Jewish brothers that he would rather to be accursed if it would mean salvation for them. That's not bitterness. That's not wrath, anger. And what about Stephen? When Stephen was stoned, as Paul oversaw it, Stephen cried out, Lord, do not hold this sin against them. Now you might also say, so what, Timothy, you don't care about justice?

Aren't we supposed to strive for justice? If someone sinned against me and hurt me, now you're telling me I just have to let it go and act like it never happened? That doesn't seem just. Doesn't God punish sinners? Yeah, but let me ask you something. Are you judging with right judgments? What I mean is this. Are you holding yourself to the same standard with which you judge others? We lash out. We get bitter, we fight, and we tear down those sinners. And we think we're justified because they sinned against us. But what if the shoe was on the other foot? Do you and I want justice when we're the offender? When you sin against God, what do you want? Do you want justice? Or do you want mercy? When justice might benefit us, we tend to want that more. But we don't want justice when it means that we'll be punished for our sins. What we want then is mercy.

And so we only want others to be punished for their sins, but not us for ours. And that's not justice. That's not righteous. Jesus told the Pharisees in John 7, verse 24, but judge with right or with righteous judgment. If we only want justice when it benefits us, we're not being just. We're being like the Pharisees. Maybe your objection to God calling us to put all these things away is that you just don't want to because it would mean forgiving them. You can't bring yourself to forgive your parent or sibling for those awful things they said to you. You can't bring yourself to forgive your husband because he's just going to leave his dirty laundry on the floor again anyway. And so you're bitter, and you don't want to let go because you're used to it. Maybe we just don't want to forgive, and that's why we won't let our anger and bitterness be put away from us. And if we're so inclined to feel or think this way, Jesus says, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses,

neither will your father forgive your trespasses. Brothers and sisters, if we refuse to forgive those who sin against us, we can rest assured that God will not forgive us. We cannot harbor anger and bitterness against our brothers and sisters or our spouses or parents or children or siblings and expect that God will be okay with that. 1 John 4.20 says, If anyone says, I love God and hates his brother, he's a liar. For he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. If we're holding on to anger and bitterness because we don't want to forgive those who have sinned against us, then the call to put away our bitterness and anger and clamor and wrath is the least of our worries. Because we're not just commanded here to put them away, we're commanded to replace them with other things. It's more than just putting them away. We have to do other things instead. Paul says to put away all these things and instead,

What does it say? Verse 32, be kind to one another. So you got all these reasons to be mad and angry and bitter, but Paul says, don't do any of that. Be kind to them. Be kind to one another. What does it mean to be kind to one another? It means not responding to sin with more sin. God's word tells us in Romans, repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For by so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. So don't respond to sin with more sin.

It's like the toddlers I mentioned earlier. Both are wrong. And just because one of them started it doesn't mean the responder shares less blame. Both are to blame for their sins that resulted in the conflict. God calls us to love our enemies. Now, most of these cases where we're going to be tempted to be bitter and angry are actually going to be with the people closest to us. Not just people that we would consider enemies. If God calls us to love our enemies, how much more should we be this way with those we love, especially with those that God loves? Being kind to one another means we let love cover a multitude of sins. It means turning the other cheek. It means not growing bitter and secretly despising your brother or sister and keeping your distance so that they can't hurt you or sin against you. It means not getting angry and lashing out at them because they did something that you didn't like.

even if they did it intentionally to make you angry. If we're going to be kind, then we can't fight and argue every time someone sins against us or says something we don't like. Kindness can't live with bitterness, anger, clamor, or slander. These things are mutually exclusive. So put away all the anger and be kind to one another. Next, he mentions being tenderhearted. That means we do our best to see the best in our brothers and sisters in Christ. We do our best to see the best in our spouses, in our parents, in our siblings. There will be or have been times when we feel sinned against by one another, by our spouse, by our siblings, but that's just our perception. There are times when we are sinned against, but the person who did it is unaware or didn't mean to do it. Both of these things happen a lot in marriage.

Even when it's something as minor as your wife not knowing how you want her to squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube. Or your wife feeling unloved because you left your plate in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher. We hurt each other even if they're just perceived slights. This happens a lot in the church too. We inadvertently sin against one another. We say things too sharply or too harshly. We're quick to make judgments and speak and we're slow to listen. And sometimes we find ourselves in a fight not unlike the ones our toddlers get into. So what do we do when we sin against each other or accidentally offend each other? What do you do when someone sins against you but seems oblivious to the fact that they did it? You be tenderhearted. We have compassion on each other. We don't retaliate and go for blood. Being tenderhearted means we want the best for each other. Tenderheartedness requires us to assume the best of others.

We so often assume the worst of people who love and are loved by us. Why would we assume the worst of one another? Because we're sinners. Because we're sinners and we're not being tenderhearted. Instead, we're expressing some level of anger or bitterness or frustration. And so I want to call us to assume the best of each other. And at least assume that the people that offended you love you. Right? Especially when we're talking about in our marriages. In our church, assume the best of each other. At least assume that the people that have offended you love you and they're not trying to make your life miserable. Assume the best of your spouses, your siblings, your parents, and your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don't harbor bitterness over inadvertent sins or perceived sins. Don't seek wrath. Don't make a ruckus. But be tenderhearted. Let love cover your neighbor's sin.

At the end of verse 32, Paul talks about forgiving each other. So put away bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and all malice and forgive one another. Putting away these sins doesn't just mean acting like they're not there or that you weren't sinned against. Doesn't mean we're just going to cover that up and act like it didn't happen. In reality, putting away our bitterness and anger towards each other requires us to forgive each other. Now, remember how we said that putting away these sins is a hard thing to do? How hard is it to forgive someone who sinned against you? Especially if they haven't asked for your forgiveness or acknowledged their wrongdoing. When we're in that situation, we don't really want to forgive them, do we? When you and I are sinned against, legitimately sinned against, God calls us to forgive the person or people who sinned against us. And brothers and sisters in your homes, in your marriages, and in your church, you will have occasion to sin against one another.

A lot of occasion. How many times should I forgive my brother? Seven times 70, right? You're going to sin against your spouses. You're going to be sinned against by each other. Your pastors, your elders are not perfect. Godly, yes. Faithful, yes. Sinless, no. Your pastors and elders will sin against you. You will sin against them. It's not what anyone wants. It's certainly not what we strive for. But we would be foolish if we didn't accept the reality that we're sinners and that we will sin against each other and that we'll need to forgive and be forgiven by each other. We need to watch out for our anger and bitterness when we're sinned against. Don't plant a root of bitterness in your heart because you were sinned against or you felt slighted or you were offended by what your brother or sister said or how they said it. See to it that there is no root of bitterness in you. If we don't guard against our bitterness,

put it away and forgive one another will destroy our relationships and will sow division in the church. So be quick to forgive your brothers and sisters. Be quick to forgive your parents and siblings. Be quick to forgive your wife or your husband. Now this means when you're sinned against or perceive that you've been sinned against, you can't just leave. When you got married, you made vows, right? Vows. I forgot mine last week, but you know what I'm talking about. I see you laughing over there. When you got married, you made vows, and those vows weren't contingent on your spouse being perfect, were they? Your vows were in the good and bad. Your vow still holds even when your spouse loves you well or when they sin against you. Why would we think it'd be any different in the household of God? It's the same.

Just because we're sinned against or hurt doesn't mean that we can sow division in the church. It doesn't mean we can just leave and abandon each other. Now, there's a proper context for what I'm saying. I'm not saying that we should just endure sin and hope it goes away. Covering someone's nakedness or letting love cover sin doesn't mean that victims go on being victims of wicked sinners or that we never confront someone who sinned against us. In fact, a little later in chapter 5, God calls us to expose darkness and deeds done in darkness. That's Ephesians 5.11. All I'm saying is that you can't just leave the church because someone made a snide comment about your crocheting or the dress you wore or the dish you made for the church meal or looked at you sideways when your child became unruly. You can't leave because someone pointed out that your children aren't well behaved and that offended you.

You can't leave just because your pastor or elder or brother misdiagnosed your situation and gave you bad counsel. We have to forgive each other. We'll have to live in harmony and unity with one another, which means we have to forgive. We have to be tenderhearted. We have to love each other. We are called by God to put away our anger, clamor, slander, and malice and forgive each other's sins. How? How can Paul, how can God expect this of us? You understand that forgiveness is not easy. So how can we do it? Paul says, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. God expects it because he's done it. He expects us to forgive because he's forgiven us. We can forgive fellow sinners because our holy and just God has forgiven us. I mean, think about this. If there is anyone who has a right to be bitter, angry, wrathful, to strive against, to have malice toward, it's God towards us. And here's the deal. He would be just. We have sinned against him. We have broken his commands. We've broken the commands of the God of the universe. And if he wanted to, God would be completely right if in his wrath, he just destroyed us all. And yet, brothers and sisters, that's not how God has dealt with us. Amen? Praise God.

So how should we deal with each other? God has been kind to us. God has extended mercy to you and I. God has forgiven you all your sins. So forgive each other. In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the disciples a parable about a master settling accounts with his servants. A servant comes before his master and is to be sold along with his wife and children and all that he has. And so the servant begs his master for patience, for mercy. And his master is moved to compassion, releases him and forgives him all his debts. But that slave finds a fellow slave and threatens him to pay back a significantly lesser debt. And when the fellow slave cries out, have patience with me, as the first slave did with the master, the first slave refuses to be patient and has him thrown in prison. And when the master hears about this, he becomes angry and punishes the slave until he repays everything he owed.

Jesus concludes his parable like this. So also my heavenly father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. Yikes. And yet the master, our heavenly father, has every right to punish those of us who do not forgive our brothers and sisters whom he has forgiven. He has every right. Jesus himself is our example of forgiving people. Not just each other. Not just our brothers and sisters, but even our enemies, right? What did he say as they crucified him? Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. God has forgiven you and I so much. How could we not forgive our brothers and sisters when in comparison their sins are measly compared to the ways that we've sinned against our heavenly father? How is it that we struggle to forgive so little when Jesus, as they were putting him on the cross, prayed?

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And we have a hard time forgiving each other because someone complained about the color of the walls or the carpet or the pews. Those are silly examples. I don't think really many of us complain about that kind of stuff. But we do complain, and we get frustrated with one another, and we sin against each other. It happens, right? Am I wrong? Who are we that we should harbor bitterness and resentment against our brothers when their sins against us pale in comparison to our own sins against God? And God has forgiven us of those sins, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Now look at Ephesians 5.1. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. First, notice how the word calls us his beloved children. We are God's children. Parents.

Which one of you likes to hear your children fighting? Anyone? Anyone just think it's so much fun? Do you think God likes to listen to us bicker and fight from our envy and our jealousy and our bitterness and our malice in His church? We are all children and therefore members of the household of God our Father. And much like us, He wants His children to live in unity and peace. And what we gather in this passage is that when we do fight, when we do sin against one another, God calls us to forgive each other out of our love for one another. That's what verse 2 says. Walk in love just as Christ also loved you. It's the same phrasing used before in chapter 4, verse 32. The ideas are connected. Our forgiveness and our love. God's forgiveness and his love are connected. They go together. We forgive out of love. Parents, when your children fight, do you make them apologize to each other and hug and make up? No? Yes?

You guys are not talking to me today. When you do that, isn't it kind of painful to watch? Because they do what you tell them to sort of, right? They definitely don't always do it from love. You know, you tell your kid, you know, hey, you need to apologize. Say you're sorry. Give them a hug. And they're like looking at the ground. They mumble, sorry, maybe. And then they give the weirdest like, most unenthused hug ever where they're kind of like this, and the person that's willing to forgive them might go and try to hug them, but it's just awkward and weird, right? It's just painful. And then they perform the thing, they do the thing, and then they just kind of run off and do whatever. Why is it so painful? Why do our children make it so painful? And perhaps God might ask, why do my children make it so painful?

We ought to forgive not just because we're made to do it, but because we love each other as Christ has loved us. This is what it means to imitate God and to walk in love that we would put away from us all our bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. Do you want to imitate God? Then walk in love and do these things from your heart. Do them because you love God. And so you love every sinner that he has called his own. God has loved us and commands us to walk in love regarding each other. And we see God's love displayed in Christ and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. He sacrificed himself to forgive us because he loved us. Your Lord Jesus Christ has loved you.

And he demonstrates this love and that while we were yet sinners, he died for us. Brothers and sisters, Christ died for you. And you and I are called to die to ourselves in order to love our brothers. Jesus loved us and sacrificed himself to reconcile us to God. We should also sacrifice ourselves, our desires, our need to be right, our need to be justified. A sacrificial love does not require punishment and does not linger or dwell on sins committed against us, but it puts them away and forgives even if it hurts our pride to do so. And one other thing that I've not said that I want to say is consider what it means for us to harbor bitterness and anger and frustration at someone who God has forgiven their sins. What does that make you and I when we do that?

We are setting ourselves at odds with God who has said, that's my child and I've given my son for him and I've forgiven him. And so we have to be careful and watch out for bitterness towards one another. We need to give ourselves up for one another as Christ did. We need to deny ourselves. And we need to let love, the love of God, cover a multitude of sins. Let's pray. Dear Heavenly Father, help us to love one another. to be quick to forgive, to be quick to have mercy and compassion on each other, on our spouses, on our children, on our siblings, with one another in the church. Help us, Father, to be quick to forgive and to not grow bitter, to not be angry, and that we would let love cover a multitude of sins, Father. And we ask and pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

Will the officers please come forward? This morning, we have the privilege of coming to the Lord's table. When we come to this meal, we're confessing and remembering something that we know.