Honor Widows Who Are Widows Indeed#3

So we're carrying on. I normally start my sermons out telling you, well, this is what we've been doing and this is what we're going to do, and so this week is no different. We've been studying in the book of 1 Timothy. We're in chapter 5. In the last two weeks, we've been looking at what the scripture says about widows. And when I started this section, I thought, you know, it's going to be three or four weeks. We're in our third week of it, and this will be our final week studying widows. And it's a difficult topic if you think about it because what's under the surface of talking about widows is death, right? Because that's how we come to be widows. And I always saw on the horizon of this passage as a whole the issue of young widows being the most difficult part of it to talk about. It's one thing to talk about the widow's list and what is a widow and what does it mean for a widow to be put on the list.

But then you come to the difficulty at the end where you have to talk about young widows. And the reason it's difficult is because to become a widow at any time in life is a grief and a pain. But it's especially difficult for someone who's young, who hasn't lived their life and raised their children and had decades of God's kindness extended to them in the form of a marriage. When you get married, when you're young, you're in your 20s, you're in your early 30s, You look forward to a life of joy and children and happiness and life together, and we're going to do these things, and we're going to make these memories, and it's going to be great. We have high expectations. And then as you get married, you realize that two sinners are married, and it's hard, and it's not always happy, and it's certainly not always easy. But there are those joys, and there are those kindnesses in the midst of that difficulty. But then, when your spouse dies when you're young,

All of that's taken away and it's an extreme difficulty for a young person who's had all these hopes and all these desires and potentially a number of young children who aren't raised yet be left in this situation without a spouse. That's very difficult. You follow me? That's what we're talking about today. And I was talking to Vanessa yesterday about this as I was processing through this and I go, this is going to be hard. It's a hard sermon because we're talking about death and not just death but untimely death. And the sort of untimely death that leaves people behind. It's a hard thing to talk about. But that's our topic this morning as we talk about young widows. And I want us to see what we shouldn't do first. I'll just tell you. I think most of us, when we have difficult topics, difficult conversations, uncomfortable things go on in our lives, I think there's really a temptation to go, I'm just going to kind of ignore that over there. I'm not going to talk about it or acknowledge it because it's hard and I don't quite know what to do with it. But I have a sense that if I touch that thing,

Tears are going to come. Hard things are going to come. Anger may come. And so I think I'll just skirt around the edge of it and not really address that. And one of the things that's very sweet to me, and I hope is sweet to you as well, is that Scripture doesn't do that. Scripture addresses the things that are difficult and that are hard so that we're not left going, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to act. I don't know what God would have me do here. And so this is the case with young widows. What are you to say? What is the church to say?

to young widows. That's our topic today. Before we read our passage, I want you to consider this question. What would you say to a young widow? And that's different than saying, what do you think should be said to a young widow? Like, I hope somebody else does this work. What would you say to a young widow? As a Christian, man or woman, what would you say to them? How would you help them through this most difficult time? It's a hard question, isn't it? That's what we're going to work through today. Our text, as I've said, is 1 Timothy 5, verses 3-16. Would you please stand for the reading of God's word? This is the word of the Lord, and it is eternally true. Honor widows who are widows indeed. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family, and to make some return to their parents, for this is acceptable in the sight of God. Now she who is a widow indeed, and who has been left alone,

has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day. But she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives. Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. And a widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than 60 years old, having been the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works, and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work, but refused to put younger widows on the list. For when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation, because they've set aside their previous pledge. At the same time, they also learn to be idle.

as they go around from house to house, and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach. For some have already turned aside to follow Satan. If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, she must assist them, and the church must not be burdened, so that it may assist those who are widows indeed. This is the word of the Lord. You may be seated. Now before I read the passage, I asked, what would you say to a young widow? And you may have had a thought, and you may have known what the passage said if you've read it or studied this passage before, and you go, well, it says that the young widow should get remarried. And I just want you to think for a second how you would say that to them. And we'd all go, I don't know. I don't know what I'd say. I don't know. How do you say that?

You might even get frustrated and say, Paul, I think that's kind of insensitive of you to recommend this. And I want to talk about how you would say this sort of thing, why, really. The important part is why you would say this sort of thing to a widow. But before we get to that, we need to talk a little bit about what you're not supposed to do with young widows. Paul tells us in the beginning in verse 11, he said, refuse to put younger widows on the list. And so what he's saying is, if you have a woman, And what is young? Young is less than 60. Because 60 is sort of the line at which they say women over 60 can be put on the list. We would assume women younger than 60 shouldn't be put on the list. So young means 59 and a half. They shouldn't be put on the list, younger widows.

Why? Well, let's talk a little bit about the list. What does it mean to be put on the widow's list? Well, it means that there's going to be a transaction of sorts between this widow and the church. You remember that when you have a widow, first responsibility to care for that widow falls to the children or to the family, children, grandchildren, nephews, anyone that that woman has mothered, if you will. It even extends beyond her biological family. She's to be cared for, and the church is to not be burdened with her. And that might be one of the gnarliest parts of our passage, is that it says that the church shouldn't be burdened with women who have anybody else who can take care of them. Because you think, well, isn't that sort of proprietary of the church? What's supposed to happen with these women? Well, he says, well, what's supposed to happen with them? Is their family supposed to take care of them? They should make some return to their family because that's what's acceptable to God.

And last week we saw that part of the church's job is to engage the children in caring for their mother or their father in their old age when they're not able to care for themselves anymore. But in situations where none of that can happen, either for their not being children or for the children not having any care to minister to their parents in their old age, to take them in and minister to them, then there's a list. Then the responsibility falls to the church, and the church is supposed to step in, and they're supposed to care for these women. Now, what does that care look like?

Well, it's hard for us to conceive of what that care looks like or how would we actually even work this out in our day because we don't have places, the church doesn't have a ministry or a house or space where the widows of our church live and where the church pays for them. And throughout the ages, it's changed how this ministry would have worked itself out. If you want to think of something, this is not me advocating for it and saying this is a good thing, but if you want to get a quick picture of what would this actually look like, you ought to think of convents. And I'm not advocating for the Roman Catholic Church. I'm not saying that nuns are a good thing. In fact, I think that as we study our text, we're going to see that that's a misapplication of this. But the reason I bring it up to you is to say, what does a nun do? What are they supposed to do? Do they just get to sit around and do nothing and the church pays their room and board? No.

they're put to work. And what are they supposed to do? Well, as much as they're able, they pray and they care for the needs of the sick and of the poor and of the elderly. They have work to do. They essentially come under the care of the church, and they're given a role and a position. They're given a job, right? And part of them fulfilling that, you know, they say, we're going to, the church says, you can do this. We'll take care of you. We'll make sure you have food. We'll make sure you have shelter. We'll make sure you're cared for. In exchange for that, you're going to do this work because the church has a need. And this is the sort of thing our church would do if someone comes in and they say, hey, I need some money. I've got to do this thing. Can I have some money? I need gas money or my rent or something. If you talk to our deacons, one of the things they will ask is, can you go mop the gym floor for us? We'll be happy to pay you. Can you go fill up a couple bags of trash and leaves or something outside? We'll give them work to do. There's this idea that you ought to...

So much as you're able, you ought to work for the things that are provided for you. That it's not just a free handout with no expectation. That's not always the case with our deacons. Sometimes people come and they have needs and they meet those needs without those expectations. But I know we've had people come through the door and have needed help and we've said, yeah, here, would you do this work for us? Here's a quick thing you can do. Here's a garbage bag. Go pick up the trash out at the front of the road or whatever. And we'll give you the thing you need. And it's not inappropriate. Same sort of thing goes on with the widows, with the widow's list. Those widows are given work to do. It's a job. And so if they come under the care of the church, if the church is burdened with them, then they have an obligation to the church, not just the church to them. And it's because of that work and because of the burden that the church is taking on in caring for that woman that Paul says younger women should not be put on this list. Why? Well,

He says because at some point, and this is my paraphrase just to put it simply to you, he says because at some point their sexual desire is going to return to them and they're going to want to get married again. And then they're going to go get married again and they're going to have been a burden to the church and taken from the church and left their responsibilities because they want to do something else. And it's for that reason that they ought not to be taken under the church's care because they'll probably leave again. Now that... All of you are sitting here and you all have nice faces looking at me and you're all going, oh, is that why? But some of you should be going, that is crazy. Paul says that because they're going to want to have the intimacy that they became accustomed to in their first marriage, because that desire is going to arise again, Paul says they're on their own. Is anyone thinking that? Does it not seem strange that he's bringing up their sexual desire as a reason for telling the church, don't, Timothy, don't put them on the list. Am I crazy?

I don't think I'm crazy. I think some of you are just too scared to say that. It was hard enough to talk about a woman and her husband dying early, and now we're talking about her sensual interests, and I'm going, that's what God has said to us. And so if you thought simply talking about the death of a young woman's husband was difficult, now Paul is saying the way we process through how best to care for her and her soul has to do with her sexual desire. Many of us are going, oh, that's the pastor's job. Where are the elders at? And I want you to know this is work we do. This is work we take up. I'm glad for you to know and to feel just a little bit of how sticky it can get. But here we are, and this is what Scripture says, and so we need to learn from it, right? You could put it another way and say that if a woman comes under the care of the church, she has to be free to do this work. And she has to be free in two ways. She has to be free with time.

You could think, for instance, what if this woman was left with children to care for? Is she going to be able to care for the needs of the church and of the body? And the answer would be, no, she's got children to raise. There's going to have to be a different solution for her. But another thing that would hamper or impair her ability to be free to do the work is her desire to have a husband. You know, when I was studying and reading about this, it's uncomfortable to think about and talk just a little bit, but you get over that. And I'm reading, and one commentator said, you know, it's harder for single people who've never been married have a hard enough time staying pure. It's very difficult for them. And if you're single or if you're leading toward getting married, purity is a constant struggle. And he says, you know who it's harder for? Widows. Because they've grown accustomed to having this sort of intimacy.

of a husband and wife. And when they lose that, they're not as able to be pure. They have a harder time with it. And that's why Paul tells them they ought to remarry. Because they're even more at danger of falling into sexual sin. And who can deny it? And so Paul says, instead of her coming onto the widow's list, she ought to get remarried. And I want to caution you against thinking, so you mean like in the wake of the grief of her loss? You're going to go to her and say, so about dating. No. That's not what's being advocated, and that's not what should be done. Okay? If you've ever known someone who's lost their spouse, whether they're young or whether they're old, there's a time of grieving. There's an intense time of grieving that's probably less than a year, six months to a year, where they're having a real hard time because they're going through all of their first holidays or whatever without their spouse and all those sorts of things. It's hard on them.

And then there's a residual grief that carries on. One of the dangers is that that grief would just never end. And part of our job, and one of the aims of Paul's message here, is to help people bring an end to that grieving. And one of the ways that they will bring an end to that grieving, that they'll be helped, is through getting remarried. And so Paul says because of all these things, a young widow should not be put on the list. If she's able, she ought to remarry. In time, as it makes sense. She may spend, I don't know how long, not getting remarried. The young widows that I know, my wife and I, we were talking about it yesterday, we've known two young widows. And by young, I mean had their husbands die in the first year of marriage. One by cancer and one by a terrible accident at work. And neither one of them had children. And you think, what are you supposed to say to a 26-year-old woman who's a widow now?

What's going on in her mind? How is she processing her life? Paul says caring for her and her soul is best done by encouraging her to return to serving God the way most people serve God. And for a woman, that's as being a wife and a mother. That's what the vast majority of women spend their lives doing, being a wife and a mother. Now they may say they do a good job of it, and they may say they do a bad job of it. They may say that they really enjoy it. They may say it's been really hard for me. But remember that just a few chapters before this, Paul said that women will be preserved, sanctified is the sense of the word. They will grow in godliness through bearing children. And the danger of a widow is that she goes, I'm never going to get married again. And in that transaction in her mind, if she's not shepherded and cared for and loved and encouraged, not just by the pastor and the elders, but by other Christians around her.

She's going to miss out on Christ's school for holiness for women, which for the vast majority of women is being a wife and then especially being a mother. There's nothing that will sanctify a woman more than becoming a mother. And a widow has to, the fact that she's become a widow has to be grieved, has to be mourned. We have to work through that. But part of working through that is saying, we need to go back to school. I realize I'm saying this very practically and some of you may be going, what an insensitive jerk. But I ask you, If you've known young widows, a woman in her 40s, is she handling it well? Is her commitment to not getting married and not dating serving her well? And I think most of you would say, no, I don't think it is. And I think her children could use a dad. But what's she supposed to do if she feels like she's abandoning her first husband by getting married again? Well, that's where we need to be able to step in as Christians and not be afraid of the difficult conversation.

And the encouragement and the comfort and the direction that scripture gives us with regard to her and her situation. Death is one of the things in our lives, especially untimely death, that will become the most perfect seedbed for you to fall away from the faith. Okay? Parents who lose, for instance, parents who lose a child. Child's born, child lives, child dies. The divorce rate for those parents? it's a miracle if any of them stay together. The normal divorce rate in just marriage in America is 50%. Half of all marriages end in divorce. But if that marriage loses a child, I want to think it's less than 10% stay married. Because they can't handle it. They don't know what to do with it. And that person, their spouse, is a reminder of the life that was there and isn't anymore. And so we have to see as Christians the intense...

temptation and difficulty that those who have untimely death come into their life, that they're faced with. The loss of a child is one thing. The loss of a spouse when you're young is another. And they're not to be left alone and to be able to make their own decisions without any counsel, without any support, without any direction. They need that desperately because they're in one of the most vulnerable positions that you can find yourself in. And so they need to be helped not to fall away from the faith. It's a normal temptation for them to want to ignore their pain. The idea that they would not get married again is very common. It's very common. Why? Well, maybe because they think that they would be dishonoring their first marriage or first spouse. You know, how could I love somebody else if I love somebody else? That somehow will be wrong, meaning I don't love my first spouse anymore or didn't love them or didn't love them the way I should or something like that.

Maybe they don't want to get married because they don't want to have the pain and the vulnerability of, well, are you going to die too? And I want you to know that this is a reason women will run to the church and want to be given work to do so that they don't have to live in those vulnerabilities and those seasons. You see this. You ready for a movie quote or example, something a little lighter? The Sound of Music. What do you have in The Sound of Music? It's one of my favorite movies. What do you have in it? You have a widow, a man whose wife died, and he's got a bunch of kids.

And he's a grump. That's how he's grieving the death of his wife. He's just a grump. And what's her name? Maria. Maria. Of course, Maria. What's Maria's problem? Why does Maria want to be a nun? First, she's a nun, right? And then they say, hey, they need a headmistress over there at this house. Mr. Montrapp needs a mistress. So she goes over in her jobs to take care of the kids, right? This is somewhat the church stepping in. I'm not advocating for nuns and all that stuff. Remember, but. It's a small picture of the church saying, there's a need, there's a house without a woman, go over there and take care of the kids. Well, he's run off all the other mistresses and the kids have been awful to them. And then Maria shows up. And Maria falls in love with the kids, you know, and then what happens? You remember what happens? She gets scared because she feels like she's not being faithful to God. And what does she do? She packs up and leaves. And where does she go? Back to a life of singleness.

and she was wrong to do it. And one of the best scenes in that movie is when she's sitting in the office with the head nun, and the head nun says, you don't belong here because you actually have desire to be married. Now, she wasn't a widow, but she had desire to be married. She had fallen in love, and the good counsel that she receives was, there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay, and it's good. You can serve God just as well over there. Go do that. And that's the sort of thing that widows need to be told. They're not broken and their life is not over. And to have a desire to have closeness in relationship with a man is not wrong. To act on those desires without getting remarried, now that's wrong. And that's why Paul tells them they should get remarried. Singleness is not godlier than being remarried. And a spouse dying is not a good reason.

to decide you're called to singleness. And remember, I'm not saying you have to jump right back into the dating scene and figure that out. I'm not giving any sort of time frame. That's all going to be dependent on the circumstances of their life. But it's not more godly to remain single. And a spouse dying doesn't mean that you never should get remarried again. In fact, Scripture tells you that you not only can get remarried, Paul says, I want you to get remarried. I want you to get remarried. And you remember back in Genesis chapter 2 when God saw Adam and he named all of the beasts of the field and he wasn't a helper found suitable for him. In verse 18 it says, Then the Lord God said, It's not good for the man to be alone. I'll make a helper suitable for him. Now I'll grant that there are some people who are called to singleness. And that is God's calling on their life like the Apostle Paul. But not many of us and not many throughout all of history have been called to singleness.

And what happens when people who are not called to singleness try to be single is what actually goes on in convents and monasteries in the Roman Catholic Church, which is all kinds of sexual debauchery, because they have desires that they're not supposed to act on, and they're not able to contain them. And marriage is supposed to be a godly outlet for those good desires. And so losing a spouse doesn't automatically kick you over into a category that says never again. You made your soul much more harm by not remarrying than if you remarried. So that's the first reason it's important for a widow to be headed toward the idea of remarriage and working through that question so she doesn't fall away from the faith. The second reason is you don't want her to become a fornicator, which, as I said earlier, those who've grown accustomed to a marriage relationship have a much harder time being pure once their marriage ends.

So what are they supposed to do with their desires? Well, the same thing that single people are supposed to do with their desires. They're supposed to satisfy those desires in God's way in marriage. In fact, those desires arising after the death should be seen as an indication that it may be time to start thinking about remarriage or dating or something. It's very uncommon for people to want to be left alone, actually. Many of us say, well, I want to be left alone. I just don't want anyone to touch my pain. But inside, you're dying. You want somebody to touch your pain and to say, I'm sorry. Let's talk about it. And so that's what Paul's doing here. So they have some appropriate outlet for these desires that God's placed into them. And so they're not bad desires, but they can serve to corrupt and to destroy her if she doesn't remarry and find a proper outlet for them. Have you ever heard of a young couple or a couple?

I remember having a conversation with a couple one time, and we were talking about this, and I don't remember how it came up, but they were like my age, so young, right? And we were talking about this, and somehow it came up, and I said, you know, I don't want to die, but if I die, I hope the Lord provides somebody else to love and take care of my wife and my kids, because I won't be there anymore to do it. And the man kind of looked at me funny and was as if I'd said that I didn't love my wife. And he said, well, my wife and I have talked about that, and we don't.

I don't know that I want her to get remarried because we don't want our kids to have to go through the confusion and the hardship of having a new dad. And some of you are sitting here going, we've had that conversation. And some of you are sitting here going, that's a terrible conversation to have. I'm only saying it to you to say, these are the thoughts that people have and the conversations that they have in their bedroom at night that you don't know about. And if you're married, you will have these conversations and you will talk about these things. And so what I want is for you to talk about them biblically. Okay? And so Vanessa and I have talked about it. I hope that you will talk about it. And you'll say, listen, I'm not going to be. For one, what I've said to Vanessa is when I die, if I die first, I don't know that I can say I'll miss you because I'll be with Jesus. But I know that you'll miss me. And I know that you'll have needs that I can't no longer provide for. Financially, it's the easiest way to provide for someone when you die. You do well with your money.

You get a life insurance policy. You teach them how to handle money. And they can be provided for that way. That's not the provision I'm talking about. I'm saying, who's going to care for you? Who's going to love you? Who's going to minister to you? Who's going to keep you from being foolish? Who's going to protect you? I want someone to do that. I want to do it. But if I can't do it anymore because I've died, I want someone else to be able to. And I don't want you to have any misgivings in your heart about what I think about it. Why? Because Paul says that young widows ought to remarry. And contrary to what my friend said when he said, I don't want our kids to be confused by one of us remarrying, which it would be hard, right? A remarriage is always going to have ripples into the children and how they process. That's hard. But it's also hard for them to not have a father. And I would contend that it's harder for them not to have a father than to have a mom who's not cared for and protected.

And so I told him, I said, I think you guys should talk about that and rethink that. I don't think you should plan your death and pick out your spouse's next spouse. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying when you got married, you said, until death separates us. And when death separates you, that means one of you is still here and has to live and carry on. So you have to talk about it. Paul says part of your conversation ought to be getting remarried. I had another friend tell me recently, he said, They just got married. And his pastor came to him and said, you know, I'm not telling you you have to do this right now, but as soon as you can after you get back from your honeymoon, you should tell your wife that you want her to get married if you die. And his response was, I'm not going to tell her that right after we get back from our honeymoon. But he was telling me because they've had the conversation. So I just want you to know, maybe some of you aren't thinking, well, I'm going to die and what's going to happen? I'm saying, you should have these conversations. A lot of us are young.

A lot of us have young families. These are conversations that husbands and wives have. And you need to not take offense at having the conversation. It's painful. Just like sitting down and writing out a will. That's not fun. But it's terrible if you don't have any understanding of what should happen and you die. Then what happens? Somebody else has to pick up all the pieces without knowing your intentions and your desires. They can have devastating consequences. So married couples have to have hard conversations, and one of them should be about the idea of getting remarried. Paul says, the young women, I want them to get remarried, the widows. I don't want them to become fornicators. I don't want them to fall away from the faith. I also don't want her to learn to give in to sin. Here's the thing about marriage.

When a man and woman get married, the Bible teaches us that the man's orientation is toward the world, right? Adam is supposed to go out. He's supposed to rule over the earth. He's supposed to subdue it. And the Bible says he's not supposed to do that work alone. He's supposed to have a wife help him. And if you've been around for a long time, you've heard me say her help for Adam is not a second pair of hands out there digging up the potatoes. It's the help she provides is she prepares the potatoes. She makes them edible because a raw potato is nasty. And so the way she helps is he goes out and he works and he does his man work in the world, and then he brings the produce of that, the raw material, back in, and she goes, there it is, thank you, I'm going to do something delightful with it. That's how she helps. She also helps by giving him children to go out and help dig the potatoes, right? I say all of that to you to say a wife's orientation is toward her husband. His calling is her calling. And when she loses her head,

when she loses her calling, when she loses the priorities of her life, because that's what happens when a spouse dies, her temptation to become idle and useless skyrockets. She no longer has someone that's depending on her, that's needing her, that's giving her things to do, that's talking to her and caring for her. She's left to her own devices to figure out what to do. And scripture warns against that, even in this passage, that idleness and gossip and becoming a busybody are a real danger for widows, and not just ones that go on the list, but just widows that have lost their direction and their purpose in life. What are they supposed to do with themselves now? Well, they'll fill their time, but it turns out that there's a real danger for them filling their time with things that don't honor and glorify God, that they become busybodies, that they talk about things not appropriate to mention, is what our passage says. That's a danger to widows.

Now that's a hard thing to say, and I don't want you thinking I'm just getting after women and saying they're terrible, but these are women's sins. And if we were talking about men's sins, I wouldn't have any sort of a soft spot for them either. I think it's helpful to say these are men's sins generally, and these are women's sins generally, and they both need to do battle with their sins. A widow will be inclined to recoil into herself and into her home and into her bubble, which is to say she will be inclined to become idle. And then the things that she fills her time with...

are not going to be productive, and they probably won't honor Jesus Christ. So she's going to need help working through that. In Proverbs 31, we've got this extended passage about a Proverbs 31 woman. What's this godly woman supposed to be like? Well, one of the things it says in verse 27 is, she, this wife, she looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. And so you see that Scripture teaches that idleness is a particular temptation to women, and it's especially tempting to widows. So what do we do about it? Well, we give widows work to do. They need things to do, things that they can do, right? Go out and till the garden. Probably not the work you're going to give the widows. Can you pray for these people, and can you give them a call, and can you care for them? Yeah, certainly. Can you love the women and the poor and the children and the young mothers and whoever it is that you're, whatever the needs are in the church? That's the work for them. We have those needs in our house, too. And we should incorporate widows into that work.

to give them some direction and some meaning and some traction so that they don't just waste away. And so it's not from contempt that Paul says they ought to remarry. It's from love. Because he wants those women to have help, the widows to have help in continuing to pursue godliness and to do battle with their sins. And so he says they need to remarry. They need to have kids. They need to keep house. In a word, they need to do the same things that all other women do. Meaning, becoming a widow is not your definition. You are not somehow a second-class citizen who is this other thing. I'm not a man. I'm not a woman. I'm not a mother. I'm not a wife. I'm a widow. Paul says, you're right. Spouse died. Now, let's come back, as we're able, to the normal things that God would have you do. For a woman, have kids, keep house, get back into the school of godliness for women.

Interestingly, when I was reading about this, John Calvin says, the hard work of having children and keeping house is one of the reasons women don't want to get remarried, because it's really hard. And if I were to talk to the young marrieds or the ones that have young kids here, what would you say except, it's really hard. Well, what happens if your spouse dies and then that work goes away? Would you want to sign back up for it again? Paul says you should. The final reason I think we should bring this up, or at least the... The final reason I'm going to address today, the issue of remarriage for a widow, is that remarriage, to be widowed, is to be left alone in the world and to feel like you have no place, no standing. The final reason Paul tells these young widows to get remarried is so that they'll regain those things and they'll see again the kindness of God. It's very hard to see when you've lost a loved one.

But getting remarried is a confirmation, a reminder to them that God hasn't abandoned them or left them, that they're not alone in this world, but that God will still care for them, and that he often chooses a second husband as a means to care for a widow. And so it's a kindness to her that she would remarry in the Lord's time. It comforts her so she doesn't have to go through life again alone. There's a sweet passage in Scripture, and it's not about... It's not about becoming a widow, but it was with Isaac and Rebecca. I can't remember what chapter it's in. It's in Genesis. Isaac's mom died right as Rebecca was coming to him. Have I got the names right? It was Isaac and Rebecca. Sarah had just died. And what happens is his mom dies and he's grieving. He's sad because he was close to his mother and he loved her. She dies. And then Rebecca comes.

Because Abraham had sent his servant, go find a wife for my people, brings Rebecca back. And so Rebecca comes back, and Isaac grieving his mother's death. And what the scripture says is that they went into their tent as newlywed couples, and that he was comforted. And it's a really sweet thing, and it's a really true thing. It's not the kind of thing we talk about, because it's kind of like, I didn't know we were supposed to talk about that. But this is what the scripture teaches us. is that having a spouse is a comfort in times of grief. In the marriage vows, you say, for better or worse, for stricter or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. And you say all those things because you realize that in the course of your marriage, all those things are going to happen. And it's really nice to have someone stand by you through those hardships and those sorrows. And so remarriage to a widow is a kindness in her grief.

The same way that Rebecca coming to Isaac was a kindness to him in the grief at the loss of his mother. There are a lot of things a young widow could give her time to. She could throw herself into her work. I think that's probably a common thing that happens in our day, is that a woman who's lost her husband just ends up throwing herself into her. She's looking for someone to define her life, so work tends to fill that place. So she just becomes consumed with work. But work doesn't provide any comfort on the holidays. Work doesn't take her out for her birthday. So there are lots of things a young widow could do with her time and with her energy she could devote her heart to, but not many of them will be as comforting as a husband and, if the Lord wills, children. What did the Lord provide for Job after he lost his wife and he lost his children and he lost his wealth and he lost everything? And he grumbled and he complained and the Lord came and he disciplined him. At the very end of it, what did he provide for Job? He provided him a wife.

And he gave him children. And he restored to him all the things he had lost. And that's what remarriage is for a widow. It's God's kindness in restoring to you the thing that you've lost. And so we shouldn't shy away from speaking of these things to those who are grieving as it's appropriate. And how do you do that? It's very difficult. And there's no five-step plan to say this is how you speak to a widow about these things. There's no easy way to do it. Every widow is going to be different. Every circumstance is going to be different. And you have to trust God to give you wisdom to speak and to care and to nurture and to love. What you can't do is say, I'm not going to touch that because that's hard. Because that's hard for her whether you touch it or not. So love her. Love God by ministering to her in her weakness. Help her. Give her work to do. Invite her over. Ask her. It's been three years. How are you doing? Have you thought about it?

Getting remarried. I know children who've done this for their parents. Teenage, young adult children. They see their mother suffering and they say, well, what do we say? Mom, I just want you to know that I wouldn't be hurt or offended if you got remarried. I'd be glad for you to have someone to love and to be loved by. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes wisdom to know how to care for people in this situation. But we need to remember that James told us. In chapter 1, verse 27, he says, Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God and our Father is this, to visit orphans and widows in their distress. And what is the distress of a widow? Except that her husband died. She doesn't have anybody now. So top shelf, best love you can offer in God's sight is to care for widows in their distress, to minister to them and to love them, to not shun them, to not ignore them, to not act like everything's just fine and normal in their life because it's not. We all have our own burdens that we bear as well, right?

but this is a particular burden, and for young widows it's especially difficult. So we bear with them, and we talk to them, and we pray for them, and we include them in our families. This is pure and undefiled religion, and this is what Paul's telling Timothy to do. Don't put them on the list. You won't do them any good if you put them on the widow's list. Love them and care for them, and help them get back to the near the love of God. Help them get remarried. All right? Let's pray. Father, these are hard things to think about. hard things to talk about, hard things to envision speaking to others about. And yet here we are reading and studying your word, not just in this passage but in others where this very topic, these sensitive private things are addressed. We thank you for not leaving us to our own devices and navigating these waters. We don't trust ourselves and we know that we would not do well.

if left to make our own decisions. And so we thank you that you've given us instruction, you've given us guidance, even as we think about our own families and our own marriages. Help us to live by faith and help us to devote ourselves to you, to not live in fear. Protect us from becoming bitter and angry. Help us not to fall away from the faith and help us to minister to those who are tempted to do this. Because in your wisdom and your secret will, you've decided to call their spouses away from them. through death, Father, we ask that you would help us to know how to speak and how to minister with them. Help us not to be afraid to cry with them. Help us to weep with those who weep. Help us to bear their burdens. And we do pray, Father, that you would have mercy on the widows that we interact with, that you'd help us be instruments and ambassadors in your hand of your gospel to them, that they might be saved, that they might be strengthened, and that you might be glorified. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.